29 Years and Counting

As a little girl, I used to play with my dolls, sit on my father’s lap, and sleep in my mother’s arms. But now that I am turning 18, I couldn’t do everything that I had “used to” anymore. This is another phase in my life which calls for maturity….

Surely, problems and trials await ahead but I do believe that being brave is just what it takes. There’s always a smile for every frown, a wish for every tear, and hope for every broken dream….

With God as my light, I am now ready to face the responsibilities and challenges life brings!

I had written that for my 18th birthday invitation card some 11 years ago. Indeed, life was so full of challenges! Even so before, it really was. Let me take you back in time when I was still a kid.

As a seven-year old, I was the least child to be adored. I was not cute and I was not pretty - only my mom said that I was pretty. I was always the object of mockery by my rude classmates, my neighbors, and my cousins. They called me names like "libat" (cross-eyed), "aeta" (indigenous group of people), "kulot" (curly haired), etc. Then I always ended up crying in the corner, feeling as an outcast. Although I have very fun childhood memories, this however had created a very painful one.

Bala Clan's Search for Mr. Unong & Ms. Unang

But what can the child do? Those words were all so true! Unfortunately for me, I inherited much of my father's genes. My mother is such a beauty that until now, people get shocked whenever I'm introduced as her daughter.

Anyway, when I reached high school, I had come to know my strength. I discovered that I was a bright kid. Having finished elementary from a public school, I got into section one in first year high school at Immaculate Conception College – La Salle. I had a high score during the entrance exam together with our class valedictorian and only four classmates who were in the top ten in elementary. I was never part of the top ten so I figured out that there was favoritism in my previous school.

As I got along in high school, I maintained to be in the first section while my other classmates were demoted to the lower sections. At the end, it was only me, our valedictorian, and other two classmates from elementary who graduated as section one students.

Then I concluded that my brain is my weapon. I may not be a beauty but at least I have the brains that could overpower all the beauties in the world. By then, I built self confidence and I started to develop some other skills. And mind you, I always excelled in every endeavor I entered into – just except joining beauty contests of course. But still, I was not that happy for I gained weight in high school. I started to have big appetites and I ate all the foods that were served to me in ample amounts compared when I was in elementary.

Ibaan River, Batangas

College came and I was still the flower in the wall. My friends already started dating but nobody ever picked me! As a defense mechanism, I showed everybody that I never cared. I never attempted to approach some guys for I was afraid of rejection. Yeah, right! All my crushes never saw me the way I was seeing them. I just ended up loving them on my own only. As for the time being, they are all happily married now!

Studio Photo for a Friend's Birthday

Then I think that I’m cursed! I must be cursed in this situation. I’m already 29 yet I’ve never been courted since birth. This is already shameful! But, what can I do? Just get hitch with those guys whom I think don’t deserve me? Damn, no way! In consolation to myself, I just have to think that I’m reserved to someone whom I call as “God’s best” for me.

And so I smile to myself again. Being pretty is not just shown physically. I realized that it has to come from within. I maybe once an ugly duckling but now, I believe that I’m pretty. I came to believe that I am for 90% of my former students said so when they wrote me letters before I left the school. They may have written it just for the sake of writing or they may have written it just to flatter me. In anyhow, I believed them. I believed them just simply because I love them. Thus, I am pretty inside and out! And no one could ever dare contradict that.

Now Pretty and Sexy Me!

Having lived into this world for 29 years is not that easy. Of course, there were problems, trials, frowns, tears, and broken dreams as I’ve said but there were also solutions, triumphs, smiles, laughters, and successes! I could say that I am a grown-up woman now who’s ready to take on more of life’s challenges. I admit, I’m still building up courage but with God as my strength, I can face anything that the world would throw at me!

Happy 29^th Birthday to Me!:)

For my 29^th year, I decided to celebrate it with some less fortunate kids. I was in third year high school when I attended church at Word Foundation Christian Ministries (former Bread of Life). Our youth pastor, Kuya Linus de Barras founded a little ministry for the street kids. We would wait for the closing time at Gaizano every Friday night and gather all the kids there. Our Sunday school teacher would then narrate a Bible story to them. Afterwards, we would give each child a bread to ease their hunger for the day. And this we called as our “Pan” (bread) Ministry.

Getting To Know the Kids

Bible Story Telling

It was so great reliving my late Kuya Linus’ ministry for I was once also a “yaget” (unkempt) child at Brgy. Triunfo who loved attending Daily Vacation Bible School (DVBS) at the Nazarene Church in our neighborhood and who lined up for food during the occasional feeding programs of the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) in the same barangay.

Sharing Blessings

Eating Time!

Many thanks to my family and friends who also celebrated with me in this very special day! I am overjoyed that I feel so loved. I love you all!:)

With Family and Friends

Thank you, Lord for all the blessings!:)

Post Bday Celebration at Kuya Jun2x's Payag

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If

After bumping into him with another girl, I told myself that it’s already hopeless. Efforts of my friends were already made. I had also shown him what I felt. But he didn’t seem to acknowledge everything. And sure he knew! He just ignored it for he didn’t see me the way I was seeing him.

It really hurt big time! All the regrets and all the “if’s” in the world came out. If only I was kind to him when he was befriending me before. If only I didn’t make him look dumb every time I insulted him. If only I didn’t hate him without any reason at all. If only…..

The last few months of my senior year were scarred with painful memories of him going out with his girlfriend then another girlfriend then another girlfriend. He always changed girls but he never did pick me! I felt so embarrassed of myself and I felt like I was the ugliest girl in town. It was so humiliating in my part because I was the intelligent one compared to the girls he was dating. Unfortunately, the battle then was not of the brains but of the beauty. And unfortunately of all unfortunately, I was indeed the ugly duckling.

Thus, I had made the most out of my senior year! Aside from enriching my extra-curricular activities, I had unexpectedly fallen in love and had my very first broken heart. At that point in time, I thought that was the most painful thing in the world that could ever happen to a person. Sleepless tearful nights, gloomy days, and absent-minded afternoon hang-outs. It was like living as a human zombie.

On graduation day, I was not that happy. Graduation for me marked the end of carefree and joyous high school days. I had to bid goodbye to my classmates and friends. Moreover, I was disappointed of not getting him to look my way until the day we parted. But in consolation, he congratulated me when we crossed path outside the Cathedral after our graduation rites.

Then I went to Misamis University for college and he went to another university in a different place. Being miles away from him, I thought I could forget him. I went on with my life partly happy of not seeing him with his random girls anymore. But in our first semestral break, we met in a common friend’s birthday party. My heart was beating so fast just at the mention of his name.

When he arrived, I was already shaking. My friend noticed and prompted me to relax. So I avoided him and went to the veranda of their house. When he was done eating, he went outside and I went inside again. After a few minutes, he followed inside and sat right next to me. I could not move out anymore so I just stayed. Then he asked me how I was doing. I just answered him flatly and I stood up quickly to go outside again. I felt that I was so snobbishly bad again. I didn’t treat him well again – I felt like I insulted him. But it was not supposed to be that way. I was just unsure of myself, unsure of my words, and unsure of my actions. So I’d better get out from the situation before he saw the sadness in my eyes longing for him.

At that night, I couldn’t help but cry! After months of not having those tearful nights, there I went again. I regretted for not talking to him nicely that afternoon. If only I could turn back time….

Just what’s exactly in him that made my world shaken this way?! Who is he that he takes in control of my mind and my heart as well? Who is he to make me regret of the things I had done so badly? Who is he to affect me so much for a very long time even in his absence?

If

If there’s only one thing to ask, it would be you

If there’s something I could give, that would be my love for you

If there are things to sacrifice, I’ll risk for you

If given a chance, I’ll prove all of these are true

But these are just wishes, hoping to be granted

Hiding these to myself, feeling I’ve been cheated

Keeping my only hope, waiting to be lifted

Holding these dreams patiently, nothing would be dreaded

If there’s only one place to go, I’ll choose to be at your side

If there’s a hand to hold, it would be yours to guide

If there are words to say, I’ll tell you what’s inside

If only you know all of these, then I’ve got nothing to hide

I’m looking forward for that big day

Somewhere along the line, it’s not just a fantasy

All wishes and dreams will come true, they say

And everything will turn out to be a reality

- Mary Rosalie T. Olandesca (July 13, 2002 Sat. 10:04 PM)

Watch out for the ending of this first love story! It will be published next week only here at maryrosalieo.blogspot.com!

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