Whimsical Wednesday shows my fancy in a myriad of beautiful things.
I'm sorry for interrupting this blog's current line-up of Thailand posts. There's just something I want to share with you, my ever dearest and very patient blog readers. So, come bear with me. Hehe.....
Last week, I discussed the Layers of the Atmosphere to my NatSci 1 class and integrated to the topic the ladder of success. It emphasizes the concept of taking one step at a time, of stages, phases, level by level, layers! So I assigned them a homework that will illustrate who will they become and what will they be doing in their lives 5 years from now, 10 years from now, and 15 years from now. And I was pretty amazed by their visions!
Majority of them have the same vision of graduating college 5 years from now, establishing a career 10 years from now, and having a family of their own 15 years from now. Then I laughed! Why is it that everybody thought of marriage as the ultimate goal? Why is marriage regarded as a "happy ending?" I even asked my students these questions and I received different reactions. Some were surprised, some raised their eyebrows, and some looked at their seatmate with a big question mark on their faces. In short, my students got confused with my questions and answered, "Ma'am, where else are we going?", "Ma'am, that's reality", "Ma'am, we will be 30 something 15 years from now so we should be married by then", "Ma'am, its a fact", and so on...... Like they were saying, "Hello, Ma'am? Come on!"
So I got to think to myself. Was I asked 15 years ago of what I want to happen in my life? Of course, I was asked! That's a very common question but I can't recall if I was really asked. But if I was really asked, were my answers the same as my students'? I can't recall any answer at all. All I know is, what was always on mind was to be out of Ozamiz and become filthy rich! Have I attained these goals? The answer is a big NO! So I also got to evaluate what I did 15 years ago that led me to my state of life now.
In contrast to what I tasked my students to do, I tasked myself to list down what I was doing to my life for the past 15 years. I'm doing it backwards and I came up with this:
15 Years Ago
It was year 2001, a year after the start of the new millennium. I was 18 years old, the age of my students these days. In this stage of my life, I was very idealistic. I was so guarded not to be courted so I could not have a boyfriend so I could not get myself pregnant so I could finish college with flying colors. The flying colors? They flew away as I had 1 failed subject and many 3.0's because of the nature of my school. So the "flying colors" goal was already marked X right on my third year in college! And to tell you of my next goals? Be a licensed chemical engineer, work in a big manufacturing company, and earn big bucks!
10 Years Ago
It was year 2006, a year after my graduation in college. I was 23 years old, fresh from the board exam. Surely, I got my first job as a process engineer in a not big company. Another goal marked X. But I didn't like my job so I resigned and applied for another job as a research and development laboratory assistant in a not big company too but better than the first. In here, I tried really hard to love the chemical engineering world but without success. I always felt the need to explore and to be far and away from my chosen field. So after almost a year, I resigned again because I wanted to do other things undefined.
5 Years Ago
It was year 2011, two years after having a try at the academic world. I was 28 years old, fresh from heartbreak. I resigned from a teaching job and tried to escape teaching. I never dreamed of becoming a teacher, ever anyway! So I went out there again to have another try only to find out that my heart belongs to Ozamiz. Then that's the time when I chose Ozamiz so the "going out of Ozamiz" goal was marked X again. Additionally, I unexpectedly missed teaching so I got back and made a promise to myself not to regret all decisions I made no matter what!
Now
It is year 2016, a year after the same heartbreak. I am now 33 years old, older and wiser. Good news! I now accepted my destiny of becoming a teacher! I had considered this as my ministry. And thank God I'm still choosing Ozamiz, thank God I am living my life one step at a time! I am not dwelling in the past anymore and I am not frantic about the future. By God's grace, I am at peace and I've learned to become still. No matter how many goals that had been X'ed, surprisingly I am okay. I may not be in Manila, Cebu, or any other big cities to have permanent residency but there's no other home than Ozamiz. I may not be working in a big company but I'm connected with a prestigious university. I may not earn big bucks through teaching but I have my business to supply my "wants". I'm surprisingly fine with everything I have now! I am content, I'm satisfied! So, where am I in the stage of life today?
Now let's go back to the question. Marriage! Everybody says I should be married. In fact, my colleagues had put me in a hot seat just to evaluate me and see the root cause of me still being single at this old age. Honestly, as I see more of my students' drawings, I said to myself that there must be something wrong with me! Why is marriage not part of me? However, there were also 3 unique students who illustrated that very stage of my life at the moment.
Because for the time being, I'm busy. Though I stilled myself, I am still busy. Busy with my job, my master's degree, and my business. I just decluttered a bit and I'm guilty for that. Hehe..... Because I'm still learning to slowly take off things from my system and to only keep those that matter the most. Moreover, I am also living my dream! My unconscious dream of being a strong independent woman. The kind of woman who owns her time, does things her own way, spends her own money for herself only, and one who can rule the world! Must be very selfish of me, huh? Can you say that there is a need for me to grow up? Can't I still not include marriage after all the selfishness I indulged myself to? Can't I have the following vision?
When I'm done with my career goals, business goals, and travel goals, can I also dream of a partnership, a together, and a forever? Can I include marriage in the picture? As I was always asking, complaining, and ranting, I realize by this time of writing this blog post that the problem is me. Me, myself, and I because I am selfish. I have a fear of getting married! And now that I have evaluated my problem, how will I overcome this fear? I guess I will just leave this as a hanging question for I've already written a lengthy post. So pardon me. Hehe.....
However, I just want to give this simple message to my students. A message of lifting up all plans to the Lord because many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's plan that prevails (Proverbs 19:21). No matter how planned your schedule will be, no matter how organized your timeline is, but if it is not the will of God, everything will be in vain. For it is written, "Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." (Ecclesiastes 1)
And as for me, it doesn't matter if I'm gonna finish my master's thesis or not. It doesn't matter if we have plenty of orders at the store or not. And it doesn't matter if I'm gonna go out of the country again or not. What matters is, I have my God and my God is more than enough for me! And as I still wait on Him, getting married is still in His hands!
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