Got to Believe

Stomach-achingly funny, tear-jerkingly dramatic, and goosebumps-inflectingly kilig to the bones!  That's how I describe the 2002 movie, Got 2 Believe of the late Rico Yan and then love team Claudine Barretto.  Even up to this day when this film is being aired in Cinema One, I still watch it with much gusto!  My love for the movie haven't drifted at all through these years.  I still laugh at it, still cry over it, and still feel kilig about it, making myself a part of the movie that is!

Last night, the pilot episode of Got to Believe the teleserye aired in ABS-CBN.  It stars the cutest love team of this generation, KathNiel - Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla.  It is not a remake of the Got 2 Believe the movie.  It has its different story, different plot, different setting, and different style.  Being fond of Daniel Padilla, I'm looking forward for them to give justice to Star Cinema's Got 2 Believe!

So why am I drawn into this kind of movie/teleserye/story?  Is it still because of my childhood fantasy to believe in finding my prince charming someday?  Oh well, now I'm starting to talk nonsense!  OK, fine!  Since this is my blog, I can write anything in here!  So here goes another musing of mine again.....

As you might have read from my recent post, I had promised not to write about my negativity issues and rants anymore.  I had promised to only write the good and the positive things.  So last Sunday night, I kept myself away from my laptop so I couldn't write how bad and sad I felt.  Thanks to my friends who helped me rationalize the situation so here I am writing with a light heart now!

And what is my story?  Well, what else would a no-boyfriend-since-birth-thirty-year-old woman write about but her regrets, her emptiness, her what-if's, and her reveries.  So let me tell you of the boys I had crushed on, liked, loved even (or was it just only my imagination that I've loved?)!  But of course, I would not tell you of their names to protect their privacy.  I would just have them in the first letter of their names and here they are:

Crush #1 Mr. M

Mr. M was my grade school crush.  I still didn't even know the word "crush" when he became one to me.  We were schoolmates and when I visited my grandpa's place, we were neighbors.  From Grade 4 to Grade 6, I dreamed to be friends with him.  I dreamed to play bihaga or patentero with him.  But childhood years became so fleeting with these dreams haven't realized at all.  What I just have is a page on my autograph filled-up and signed by him before grade school graduation.  He is now happily married and resides in New Zealand with his family.

Crush #2 Mr. C

Mr. C was my playmate and real neighbor.  Originally, I didn't have a crush on him.  It was only until we became classmates in high school when I did which started with a simple tease from our dear pilyo classmate.  Since then, we unfriended each other and didn't even talk to each other until high school graduation.  It was only until recently that we smiled to each other again when we bumped into each other in my previous school and in church.  He is now happily married to a wealthy Chinese businesswoman.

Crush #3 Mr. D

Mr. D was also a high school classmate whom I consider my ultimate crush!  My God, I was crushing on him even after high school graduation when I'm not seeing him anymore!  I can say that I spent half of my entire teenage years+++ with only him on the pedestal!  There was nobody else but only him!  Kabaliwan ba?  Yes, it was!  For I always kept it in my heart that I would never ever have a boyfriend if it were not him!  And the ending, I only learned to let go of him after a year of his marriage!  

Crush #4 Mr. B

Mr. B was my college classmate.  I was not supposed to have a crush on him but there was no other classmate who was able to make me to.  So I did had a crush on him from third year to fifth year and I even pursued Chemical Engineering for the hope of having him to be my first boyfriend!  But college graduation came and I never did have him.  Efforts were made but I never got his heart.  He is now happily married and resides in Manila.

Ka-Link #1 Mr. J

Mr. J this time was not a crush.  "Ka-link" can be the appropriate word I can have for him.  He was just so......different!  The impact of him to me had all been written here.  With him I could say that, I had experienced the so-called puppy love.  With him I could say that, I had experienced something attainable.  With him I could say that, I had experienced something quite real.  But I lost him.  It is still heartbreaking for me to relive this bittersweet experience.  But at least, I have this.  I am still thankful to have had experienced him.  For with him, I had experienced to be alive!

Now you might be wondering why am I enumerating this to you.  Well it's just that, another crush of mine had just been marked X from my list for he already tied the knot last week!  I just felt so bad and so sad upon knowing this last Sunday night through FB.  It's because, I saw him passed by the store last June of this year.  I knew I was his first love/crush way back in high school.  I just couldn't understand why he couldn't ever pursue me!  Or maybe I was just such feeler?  Well, I just hoped slightly lang naman upon confirming that it really was him whom I saw.  My bad that I did so!  Tsk tsk tsk!  I just felt so down and cursed myself to oldmaidoom!  Yes, I already am!  An old maid teacher!  The kind of person whom I loathed so much to become is exactly who I am today!  I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY CURSED! 

Then again, upon telling this latest heartbreak from Mr. P to my good friends, they just laughed at me!  There I was feeling so lonely and desperate but there they were, literally laughing at me!  Then they said, "where were/are you in the picture?"  According to them, I was just like a viewer of a teleserye who cried when the bida died.  Then I laughed with them realizing that I really was only a viewer!  

Truly, I seldom got a crush on someone and when I do, wagas!  As you can see in here, there were only a few boys in my life.  Those who were not listed here were not counted because they were only crush-crushan.  Since those who are in this post were really the ones who got me big time!  And as for the time being, I only have a crush-crushan (am I still eligible to have one?).  I've been eyeing him since forever and I am not hoping from him anymore.  But if ever I might believe in magic, maybe there really is "magic".  Could I encourage myself and persuade myself in saying to myself, "You've got to believe!"?
      

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9/23

If America has 9/11, I have 9/23. I’ve been commemorating 9/23 of every year since 1999.

9/23/1998 was what I called as “The Bonding”. Remember what I told you about the schemes my friends were making? This was the biggest scheme they’d ever done! The greatest effort in fact! But only those who were there and who have good memories will know what I’m talking about. I need not elaborate the exact happening but I’ll just tell you of what I felt during this momentous day of my life.

To start with, I woke up that day with a very heavy heart. I had realized that I had fallen for him and there was no chance of him liking me too. It was all because I treated him so badly when he wanted me to be his friend. I regretted a lot and I concluded that it could never be us.

When I arrived school, I heard rumors of him and his long-time crush to be together. Then my heart sank again. But my friends were so alert that they hindered it and tried so hard to make it “him and me”. Luckily, they succeeded in their plot. I was so happy that until now, I’m indebted to them for making such a great surprise! They had given me my happiest day.

But that was only for a day. The happiness I felt that day was replaced with sorrow in the following days of my existence. I wanted him so much – the one and only him. It was just so crazy! Even though we were apart, even though we were not that close as friends, even though we never shared special moments together, still I loved him. For years, I did! Of course there were other crushes but he was just so different. I really couldn’t understand why up to this very day. He seemed to be etched in my heart thus I had written the following composition last September 23, 2009:

11 Years Ago.....

11 years ago, I fell in love. I was only turning 16 then but it felt so real and it felt so right.

11 years ago, I was so happy for a day. So happy that I could still feel it right now!

11 years ago, exact date as now, I couldn't sleep. I kept on thinking of him, savoring the moment we had that day.

11 years ago, in this very same room, I wished that hopefully it will be him and me.

A wish that has never been granted up to this day.

A wish that's only in my mind and in my heart that God doesn't hear.

Because in reality, until now, I only long. I only hope. And I only wish.

I often ask myself, "Would that only be my first and last time to fall in love?"

"Won't I ever experience to love again?"

That's my "11 years ago".

And all through these years, it's only him.

All through these years...

Then they say that it pays to wait.

But, if I've waited this long, can God give justice to my "11 years ago"?

And that was it - still a question left hanging. Hoping against hope, everything just went to ground zero when I found out months ago that he already got married. Henceforth, justice was not served!

A note from him that I've been keeping. Get to notice my name misspelled.

Of course it still hurts. God knows I preserved myself for this person only. I didn't give anybody else chances to court me or even come up to me for I was afraid I might fall for them too. I remained single because I was still hoping for him and if he does come my way, it might be too late. It couldn't be us for I had committed to somebody else already. I couldn't allow that to happen for the reason that it was only him that I wanted most.

Craziness, isn't it? I am so abnormal! Loving a person who never loved me back. Worst, loving him even in his absence! This is so effin' pathetically ridiculous and I hate myself for this! I am so damn a fool! I had wasted time, boys, and chances of falling in love just for him. But, it's me who's to blame and it's me who's at fault.

And now that he's married, 9/23 of 2011 would mark the end of this obsession. Well, it's about time! I had to move on and grow up. I had to be open to possibilities with any guy I meet. In commencement to this first love story and after pouring all my heart out into this writing, I would like to inform him that I'm letting him go. It's painful for I have been nursing a soft spot in my heart for him for years. But what can the damsel in distress do?! Go up to him and tell him that she loves him? No way! It would just be a waste! Anyhow, I can manage. I've been managing long enough, right? And as far as I'm concern, I had lived. Just let me do the honor of giving this final message to him:

Dear First Love,

As an evidence of not keeping you in my heart anymore, I am now accepting your friend request in Facebook. It had been there for almost two months already. Sorry to keep you waiting but just consider that I had a total of 13 years of waiting in vain. Without bitterness in my heart, I wish you a happy married life! :-)

From,

A Grown-Up Osang

So long to my first love! I now bid him farewell! I promise myself that there'll be no 9/23 next year anymore!

Finally, my first love story has ended. Thank you so much for bearing with me all throughout September! Though I've never been into a relationship, seeing sweethearts warms my heart. So I'm giving these lovely couple key chains for you and your sweetheart. Just do the following easy steps:

1. Click LIKE on the Facebook Button below.

2. Have your sweetheart to LIKE this too.

3. Email your name, your sweetheart's name, and mailing address to maryrosalieo@yahoo.com.

The 13th (for the 13 years) person to send in his/her entry will be proclaimed the winner. Deadline for submission of entries will be on September 30, 2011. So join now and have these cute little tokens of love!

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