And the time has come to end another story. My Sinulog 2015 experience was ended another experience of a lifetime! As I'm doing with other Sinulogs, I made differences in every year. But what I've realized this year is that, sad to say, the essence of Sinulog has been lost. Yes, the basilica is still packed with pilgrims. Yes, the procession still gets longer each year. Yes, thousands of people still flock to Cebu for Sto. Niño. However, these only became a "side" trip. For what I generally saw was the mardi gras and the street parties were what people really came for. As my student joked, "Ma'am, dili na panata sa Sto. Niño. Panata na sa party." That is absolutely true as what I've witnessed. Even I myself went to Sinulog this year for "other" purposes.
So with that, I went home frustrated for a purpose not being materialized. I've traveled far and long by land, by air, and by sea! Move, move, move. I always move but I have the inability to MOVE ON. This is how ironic my life is! Though moving, I'm also delayed. Delayed with what I should be by now. Delayed with the goals I had to attain. Delayed with the dreams that I want to fulfill. Delayed from my peers. Delayed with time. And shit that fuckin' time! Just DELAYED! Like my flight, it got delayed.
And what did I do at the airport? Just waited. Before, "wait" was just a big word for me. I had all the patience in the world to WAIT! But now, I will really try not to be patient anymore. I will change from being good into being bad. For I've been really, really good and nice but what I only got was a whole lot of pain. I don't deserve this pain! Never never deserve this! So I must be bad because bad girls always get the good boys!
A smile as sweet as candy? That's a smile hiding all the heartache. I may look OK but deep inside, too much discouragement is gnawing my heart. Pain is eating me up. Anger to the world is dwelling inside. Bitterness! Just bitter with this travail I'm in.
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